sleepy california

It has been a busy and wonderful day - I talked to an old friend, saw my younger brother, played frisbee, worked on school stuff, caught up on other tasks, and read some student's papers. I like it a lot. The song I just listened to that I want in my head as I go to sleep tonight is by Her Space Holiday. The lyrics are amazing and have been in my favorites for quite a while (the last year since my friend Tor introduced the band to me). The guy is from San Francisco and can relate to some aspect of my life also.

I have three surviving grandparents, all of whom I love dearly. They are all wonderful people, caring, and giving of themselves to others. My mother's father died when I was young, of cancer, and it's been something I've thought a lot about and prayed about over the last 15 years. I had one last chance to see him, but I went and played a soccer game on the day he died (rather than going with my mom and younger brother to see him) - I think it was a Tuesday night, but it might have been a Saturday. I remember not telling anyone in school about it, except when one day a friend was making fun of me for not being interested in doing something, and I told him to leave me alone because my Grandpa died, and I was thinking about him.

When I was in kindegarten (early on in the cancer stages), I used to pray every day multiple times. I always thought that praying would get me something tangible, and it didn't. Instead, I think that it helped me to process everything that was happening, something to do when things were weighing me down.

My grandfather Dale was an awesome person. He was a farmer, traded stocks, and was a player of games - he taught me cribbage, chess, checkers, and other games, from the time when I was four till when I was six or so (then he started getting sick). I miss him dearly and love to think about him and preserve his memory. He influenced my brothers and I in that we like games and strategy, but also expertise at any number of things. I'll maybe say more about him some other time, but right now I feel pretty tired and will go to sleep. I wish he felt young again, when everything was new. Here are the rest of the lyrics to that song.



I used to think that I knew
My way around this town
But I'm always getting lost
Since you're not around
I never thought that I would say this
But I miss my mom
Even though for all those years
We didn't get along
And when I stop to think about it
I guess we were the same
Too stubborn to apologize
Too filled up on rage

I wish she felt young again
When everything was new
When her father held her hand
And said, "There's nothing you can't do"

And then I woke up to a phone call
Right On Christmas day
It said, "Your grandmother is dying
In a painful way
Her lungs are filling up with fluid
Even as we speak"
The doctor said that if she's lucky
She'll make it 'til next week
I had one last chance to see her
Right before I moved
But I didn't end up going
I used some lame excuse

I hope that she's not scared
Lying there alone
I hope she hears her husband's voice
Telling her she's coming home

It's just Sleepy California
But I just hope they know
It's just Sleepy California
How much I really care
It's just Sleepy California
How I want the best for them
It's just Sleepy California
Even though I'm hardly there