if i was such a ghost

life is good. quite good in a number of ways. i had an amazing last weekend. even with the terrible cold keeping me from feeling good outside and the looming end of the semester (and the paper writing and grading that entails). so it's mixing my life up - lots of good and lots of work. and lots of cold these last few days.

lately i've been thinking about whether i will want to continue my master's thesis topic for my dissertation topic (having committed to my current program for the phd). i'm writing about ecosystem health right now, and it's a very big topic and quite interesting in a number of ways. lately i've been wandering (in my head) and exploring other ideas. all this when i should be writing my thesis (or final papers).

my favorite idea is personal development of environmental values/cares/support - tentatively pragmatic environmentalism (a slight translation from environmental pragmatism, which is normally environmental ethics translated into policy/action) - i think about the importance of (a) experience; (b) ecological consciousness (understanding connections/relatedness); (c) values/caring for nonhuman nature; (d) expansion of worldviews/imagination on scales of space, time, and kind using thought experiments, scientific models, and literature; (e) living these personal developments through knowing what to do and how to best act. i think this idea might be good in a number of ways - it would be expanding on david orr's work in a number of ways and trying to put a number of environmental ethics/science ideas into practice. who knows though. dissertations are good when they are insightful/useful, focused, and important. finding a topic that fits those criteria can be difficult.

the cold has made life more difficult at times - it was snowing and sunny today - late in april - and a week or so ago it was above 80 degrees. i just don't like the cold very much. sometimes it makes me wonder whether i would be better off were i to be a migrating creature (like geese/ducks and some retired humans) since i'm unable to hibernate like bears (or at least i don't really like it), and i am not always the best adaptive generalist that can handle the really cold and really hot days - i just don't know - there aren't really very many "jobs" that allow/encourage migration - that's why people struggle with things (or take vacations) until they can retire. i am kind of the person that doesn't want to be looking forward to retirement to live the way i want to live - i'd much prefer to live the way i want to live much earlier than that. it often feels like this is hard to do.

and i guess i enjoy what i'm doing - i am developing community with groups of people. it is pretty interesting i think that most people when confronted with hardship turn to community - whether it is the chance of environmental/nuclear/biblical apocalypse, discriminatory or disempowering/disenfranchising institutions/people, or other difficulties. it's not just solidarity or shared problems/worries - community is something much more than that - and community is good. and community can be with a decent-sized group, but just as often it is with one other person.

here's a personal message for those of you reading this page. email me sometime soon. tell me what you've been thinking about - memories you have that you think are important or songs that have been important to you - that's something i'd love to hear sometime soon. it would make this less one-way espousing and more of a communicative process. besides, i'm usually better at listening than talking (and whatever the analogue for internet communication is) - i have, however, worked to develop the other part of communicating some. and i thank you in advance for your thoughts. a good email address to send me stuff is: unintruder@yahoo.com

this is an interesting analysis of a decemberists' album:
http://www.stylusmagazine.com/feature.php?ID=43

this is about a strange/interesting canadian director from whose movie (archangel) the interlude whispering comes from
http://www.northernstars.ca/directorsmz/maddinbio.html

i really like this song - it has been getting a lot of listening from me - i'm not exactly sure why - many other decemberists songs are amazing (i'm really liking red right ankle, here i dreamt i was an architect, and sixteen military wives - the last of which everyone should watch the video). i think the song just fits in with some aspect of experience that i appreciate - like a good story or movie - i don't need to have experienced the music to love the song - it's perhaps related to suspension of disbelief, but it's just nice and good music - i love the interlude. i love how the words "california one" and the last bit about paying overdue fines just fit with the music - how they just make sense in the context of the song - a context that i couldn't really describe, that might not even make sense. but it just seems right. i think that is what colin meloy is best at - music that just seems right. i'll return to the topic of music lyrics and what i appreciate about different groups sometime soon.

california one / youth and beauty brigade by the decemberists

take a long drive with me
on california one, california one
and the road a winding goes
from golden gate to roaring cliff-side
and the light is softly low as our hearts become sweetly untied
beneath the sun of california one

take a long drive with me of california wine
and the wine it tastes so sweet
as we lay our eyes to wander
and the sky, it stretches deep
will we rest our heads to slumber beneath the vines of california wine?
beneath the sun of california one

annabelle lies, sleeps with quiet eyes
on this sea drift sun
what can you do?
and if i said, oh it's in your head
on this sea drift sun
what can you do?

i've heard of ghosts
good ghosts who wander the battlefield at night
guiding soldiers out of danger
you can see the remnants everywhere
always warning of a stray bullet. . .
if i was such a ghost, i would stay so close to you
you could feel my breath on your chin


we're calling all bed wetters and ambulance chasers
poor picker pockets bring 'em in
come join the youth and beauty brigade

we're lining up the light-loafers
and the bored bench warmers
castaways and cutouts, fill it up
come join the youth and beauty brigade
nothing will stand in our way

i figured i'd paid my debt to society
by paying my overdue fines at the multnomah county library, at the library
they said "son, go join up
go join the youth and beauty brigade"

come join the youth and beauty brigade
nothing will stand in our way