words can't be that strong

i haven't written in a while, at least not here. life has been busy, and i've let myself avoid this somehow. but i am just a few days away from my thesis, and that's exciting. or a relief. or something. i can't quite say what to think about it, except that it'll be good to get through that and on to other things. i've had a lot of great support from friends, family, colleagues, and professors. and i appreciate all their thoughts and help. thanks.

as for exercise, i've started running, biking, lifting, and swimming some each day i exercise (none for too long, but incorporating all) - i like that. it feels healthy. for relaxation, i've mostly been watching scrubs--made it through the first season now, and i really like it. the song below was on the second to last episode. beautiful world by colin hay was on the last. the show is emotionally draining for me, and i'm not really sure why. i think it's in the same way that listening to music by (the) eels is draining. spring of my junior year in college, i would sometimes listen to the song it's a motherfucker, and it would basically make me stop doing anything for the rest of the day. i would just feel drained somehow.

i really can't explain how music, books, and tv can do that to me. the most recent harry potter did it (actually the last few have, but especially the most recent). i've just listened to the song below about five times straight, and i don't know why, but i'm just drained, of everything, of energy, drive, life maybe. but that's being melodramatic. i'm really not that bad off. i just need a break somehow, a vacation where i can stop thinking for a few days, feel a little more for a few days. it's coming. i know it is. and so is spring - these last couple days have made my outlook so much better. spring does that to me. the thought of turning 26 doesn't. so i don't think of that. pretty good outlook if you ask me.

back to scrubs, i'll probably transcribe and post dr. cox's thoughts on relationships sometime as quite truthfully, they were amazing (this is from an episode in the middle of season 1). we'll see when i get around to that. other interesting things i could mention about recent times mostly relate to jurgen habermas and his book theory of communicative action, which i've been thinking a lot about lately, or bryan norton's book sustainability. it's kind of strange to think about what i do for my job--i read, think about, talk about, and write about stuff, and then i help other people read, think about, talk about, and write about stuff. it's kind of strange, and quite reminiscent of the willy mason lyrics about paper being all that i'm really taught to create (i don't actually create paper, but use it to create other stuff).

i promised a story (a while ago now) about debate and music. i'll start here with debate. here was a place where we always had a lot of good times, whether we were debating, or whether we were hanging out on weekends. one particular memory that deserves to be mentioned involves my friends bob and yatesh, who were debating a showcase round in the mitchell auditorium in front of anyone who wanted to sit and watch them.

this was my junior year, and the debate topic was renewable energy. the two of them happened to be debating a really good team from watertown, we'll call them w and g. at some point in the debate round, yatesh is cross-x-ing one of the watertown debaters, and he is trying to figure out what advantage the other team's case has over the current situation. the other team was running some case that increased renewable energy, and one of their claimed advantages was that there would be fewer particulates in the air (particulates are bad things in the air we breathe, and burning fossil fuels creates more particulates). but yatesh was trying to figure out if the other team could actually make things better. so he asks the question, "where's the card that says you suck.... particulates out the air?"

the ellipsis here involved yatesh taking a short breath and then continuing with the question. in fact, he didn't mean it the way it sounded to the auditorium full of forensics competitors. it just came out wrong. but it sure did sound funny, especially since we had it on video tape and were able to watch it a few times later. it was funny then, and i still think it's funny now, though it might not make it into the hilarious category. that's a start. maybe i'll tell more debate stories later. we'll see.

this song is amazing, and a case in point that if you're going to try to get the lyrics online, get them from the artists website, or at least read through them as you're listening to them, as in this song, paint makes more sense than pain, and reeling makes more sense than really. as i said up above, this song had a lot of effect on me, combined with scrubs and whatever other life things going on. i hope you listen and enjoy. and maybe feel not just fresh, but real.

fresh feeling by eels

you don't have a clue
what it is like to be next to you
i'm here to tell you
that it is good
that it is true

birds singing a song
old paint is peeling
this is that fresh
that fresh feeling

words can't be that strong
my heart is reeling
this is that fresh
that fresh feeling

try
try to forget what's in the past
tomorrow is here
love,
orange sky above lighting your way
there's nothing to fear

birds singing a song
old paint is peeling
this is that fresh
that fresh feeling

words can't be that strong
my heart is reeling
this is that fresh
that fresh feeling

some people are good
babe in the 'hood
so pure and so free
i'd make a safe bet
you're gonna get whatever you need