lemon tea with honey
I am getting better - I have a good immune system, and that's that. The best thing about yesterday has been lemon tea with honey in it (and trying my best to actually relax for the first time in recent memory). Tea makes me feel so much better, and some days it's good to feel better.
I will say that it's hard for me to sing like Ben Gibbard today - it's much easier for my voice to sing like Spiritualized - see for example the song Don't Just Do Something: "Sometimes they say that love is blind, but I think that dumb is what they had in mind. . .Sometimes I get to fly so high that the sun burns my wings, but I will fly just a little too far 'cause that's where you are, and I won't bring you down, believe in me. . . I could lay in bed like my mama said, 'Don't just do something; sit around instead'. . ." My mom sometimes gives me advice like this - in truth, I used to be much more high energy than I used to be so she probably helped me out. Her grandfather always used the phrase, "Quit standing around and do something." That's probably why I like that song so much.
It has been an interesting last few days - being sick, trying to relax, and not being able to sleep - for someone like me, that adds up to a lot of thinking - a lot of imagined conversations in my head, a lot of inner explorations - running through so many scenarios that my head spins thinking about it. Ecological modeling involves setting up a computer simulation that will do tons of calculations really quickly, and the jobs for modelers is to develop and formulate an accurate model (that does well on known information) and then figure out what happens on a variety of future scenarios. Without grossly oversimplifying real neural networking except for the case of this analogy, I think this is what my brain these last few days when I'm in bed - only I don't focus very well - I just move from one scenario to a tangentially related one quite quickly. It's been said that science can't make decisions, just offer/organize data - that seems quite true for these inner exploratory tangents - there are very few times that I feel like they make me realize what exactly I should do - they're probably all totally bogus, but it's my schizophrenic way of making my way through the world. And it's fine. Except when I can't sleep.
I spent the first four years of my life in a town called Staples. In one class on Wednesday, someone said (my paraphrase) that our stable memories only develop after we're 4 years old, that most people only have a few memories from before that time and those are usually of traumatic episodes. I never know which ways my life has been anomalous, but this might be one. I have a bunch of memories of my time in Staples - they're not all that connected, and my older brothers always made fun of me for having memories based on pictures that I actually don't remember - this is kind of a funny thing because there are many recent memories that only come back after seeing a picture from that time. At any rate, I remember distinctly some of the memories of exploring the areas near the house - I also remember an awful lot of things about the house, things that seemed strange or maybe that my creative brothers and parents attached some strange mythology to. I couldn't really say exactly which memories are the earliest (and therefore how far back my memory goes), but I can't always do that with the summer family trips I took in grade school and high school. So these memories are numerous and often quite detailed if scattered and unimportant at times.
I should mention blame (one topic on my previous entry), particularly since the song below is about blame also. Don't get any misconceptions about me from this happenstance occurrence. I just was thinking about this song the last few days (started listening to it a bunch again last week). I don't need to say much more about blame, but if I did, I think that Modest Mouse and Radiohead would probably say it just as well - blame seems to be something that can make us feel better as a scapegoat. Maybe I'll get myself into trouble here, but I'm pretty sure that scapegoating inanimate stuff like mountains can't be too terrible a thing. Blame it on a scapegoat, and pick a scapegoat that won't feel too bad - I'm pretty sure the Tetons and the Black Star won't mind much.
On the subject of the Tetons - I love the Tetons. My family took a trip there some number of years ago - probably four years ago now. One of my favorite places in the United States is probably Jenny Lake where on a calm day, the reflections of the Tetons are quite beautiful. Here is one of the places that was influential on my developing interest in the environment, and in this case specifically, environmental aesthetics. I came back home and started looking into the Teton Science School - figuring out what it would take to spend time living there and researching. Last summer at the joint conference on environmental philosophy, one philosophy professor was talking about how she really liked The Abstract Wild by Jack Turner - a philosophy professor who got sick of academia for a while and went and became a nature writer and hiking guide in the Tetons (his memoir of that time is called Teewinot). I really do recommend The Abstract Wild to anyone who likes hiking and climbing or nature writing from a more recent person than Thoreau or Leopold. And I guess that like Turner, my love for wild things can be blamed at least in part on the Tetons.
Blame it on the Tetons by Modest Mouse
Blame it on the Tetons. Yeah, I need a scapegoat now.
No my dog won't bite you, though it had the right to.
You oughta give her credit cuz she knows I would've let it happen.
Blame it on the weekends. God I need a cola now.
Oh we mumble loudly, wear our shame so proudly.
Wore our blank expressions, trying to look interesting.
Blame it all on me cuz God I need a cold one now.
All them eager actors gladly taking credit
for the lines created by the people tucked away from sight
is just a window from the room we're bound to.
If you find a way out, oh would you just let me know how?
Would you just let me know how?
Blame it on the web but the spider's your problem now.
Language is for liquid that we're all dissolved in.
Great for solving problems, after it creates a problem.
Blame it on the Tetons. God, I need a scapegoat now.
Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning
with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air
if they turned themselves into a cloud.
I will say that it's hard for me to sing like Ben Gibbard today - it's much easier for my voice to sing like Spiritualized - see for example the song Don't Just Do Something: "Sometimes they say that love is blind, but I think that dumb is what they had in mind. . .Sometimes I get to fly so high that the sun burns my wings, but I will fly just a little too far 'cause that's where you are, and I won't bring you down, believe in me. . . I could lay in bed like my mama said, 'Don't just do something; sit around instead'. . ." My mom sometimes gives me advice like this - in truth, I used to be much more high energy than I used to be so she probably helped me out. Her grandfather always used the phrase, "Quit standing around and do something." That's probably why I like that song so much.
It has been an interesting last few days - being sick, trying to relax, and not being able to sleep - for someone like me, that adds up to a lot of thinking - a lot of imagined conversations in my head, a lot of inner explorations - running through so many scenarios that my head spins thinking about it. Ecological modeling involves setting up a computer simulation that will do tons of calculations really quickly, and the jobs for modelers is to develop and formulate an accurate model (that does well on known information) and then figure out what happens on a variety of future scenarios. Without grossly oversimplifying real neural networking except for the case of this analogy, I think this is what my brain these last few days when I'm in bed - only I don't focus very well - I just move from one scenario to a tangentially related one quite quickly. It's been said that science can't make decisions, just offer/organize data - that seems quite true for these inner exploratory tangents - there are very few times that I feel like they make me realize what exactly I should do - they're probably all totally bogus, but it's my schizophrenic way of making my way through the world. And it's fine. Except when I can't sleep.
I spent the first four years of my life in a town called Staples. In one class on Wednesday, someone said (my paraphrase) that our stable memories only develop after we're 4 years old, that most people only have a few memories from before that time and those are usually of traumatic episodes. I never know which ways my life has been anomalous, but this might be one. I have a bunch of memories of my time in Staples - they're not all that connected, and my older brothers always made fun of me for having memories based on pictures that I actually don't remember - this is kind of a funny thing because there are many recent memories that only come back after seeing a picture from that time. At any rate, I remember distinctly some of the memories of exploring the areas near the house - I also remember an awful lot of things about the house, things that seemed strange or maybe that my creative brothers and parents attached some strange mythology to. I couldn't really say exactly which memories are the earliest (and therefore how far back my memory goes), but I can't always do that with the summer family trips I took in grade school and high school. So these memories are numerous and often quite detailed if scattered and unimportant at times.
I should mention blame (one topic on my previous entry), particularly since the song below is about blame also. Don't get any misconceptions about me from this happenstance occurrence. I just was thinking about this song the last few days (started listening to it a bunch again last week). I don't need to say much more about blame, but if I did, I think that Modest Mouse and Radiohead would probably say it just as well - blame seems to be something that can make us feel better as a scapegoat. Maybe I'll get myself into trouble here, but I'm pretty sure that scapegoating inanimate stuff like mountains can't be too terrible a thing. Blame it on a scapegoat, and pick a scapegoat that won't feel too bad - I'm pretty sure the Tetons and the Black Star won't mind much.
On the subject of the Tetons - I love the Tetons. My family took a trip there some number of years ago - probably four years ago now. One of my favorite places in the United States is probably Jenny Lake where on a calm day, the reflections of the Tetons are quite beautiful. Here is one of the places that was influential on my developing interest in the environment, and in this case specifically, environmental aesthetics. I came back home and started looking into the Teton Science School - figuring out what it would take to spend time living there and researching. Last summer at the joint conference on environmental philosophy, one philosophy professor was talking about how she really liked The Abstract Wild by Jack Turner - a philosophy professor who got sick of academia for a while and went and became a nature writer and hiking guide in the Tetons (his memoir of that time is called Teewinot). I really do recommend The Abstract Wild to anyone who likes hiking and climbing or nature writing from a more recent person than Thoreau or Leopold. And I guess that like Turner, my love for wild things can be blamed at least in part on the Tetons.
Blame it on the Tetons by Modest Mouse
Blame it on the Tetons. Yeah, I need a scapegoat now.
No my dog won't bite you, though it had the right to.
You oughta give her credit cuz she knows I would've let it happen.
Blame it on the weekends. God I need a cola now.
Oh we mumble loudly, wear our shame so proudly.
Wore our blank expressions, trying to look interesting.
Blame it all on me cuz God I need a cold one now.
All them eager actors gladly taking credit
for the lines created by the people tucked away from sight
is just a window from the room we're bound to.
If you find a way out, oh would you just let me know how?
Would you just let me know how?
Blame it on the web but the spider's your problem now.
Language is for liquid that we're all dissolved in.
Great for solving problems, after it creates a problem.
Blame it on the Tetons. God, I need a scapegoat now.
Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning
with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air
if they turned themselves into a cloud.
posted by Brett Werner at
9:22 PM
1 Comments:
A flood of memories come back thinking of the value of blaming the Tetons or the Black Star. As my roommate Paul remarked upon hearing your thoughts on blame (and Radiohead and Modest Mouse): "I want to quote that and own it. It's the sexiest thing I've heard in a long time." I don't know if I'd say sexy, but it was much appreciated. Hope all is well Brett. Thinking about you.
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