I need to know

Describe my identity. For the purposes of this assignment, describe my research identity. Who am I, and what do I do? I'm supposed to be an academic for this part of my life at least. What does that mean about me? I guess I might as well get started trying to figure out who I am.

I'm flexible. I'm experimental and adaptive - I veto those things I do not like. I'm reflective. I try to be active. I am trying to be more confident. I'm trying to be an optimist. I'm trying to be better at saying no. I'm trying to accept disappointment, pain, and difficulty in a better way. I am thankful. I am often sentimental.

I like people. I like the environment. I like animals, tea, good food, the sun, trees, grass, my family, friends, rivers, music, the sounds of a B3 organ and a Fender Rhodes electric piano, reading, drawing, writing, talking with people I care about, playing music and singing, playing and coaching soccer, playing ultimate frisbee, swimming (or just spending time in water), imagining, dreaming, sleeping, traveling, adventure, the smell of good food and decomposing leaves (but probably not combined), and fruit juices.

Academically, I like a lot of things - they interest me. Things often interest me because they interest other people, sometimes because they don't. Things interest me because they are important to figuring out how people should relate to and act regarding the environment. People have been worrying about how to relate to and act regarding other people for quite a while, but it's only recently that nonhumans have been considered something to worry about.

I am interested in more than I will ever get to study in detail. This is one reason I like teaching - I get to learn with students about their interests. I'm a generalist - I confess it - I know that it will make my life difficult in academia. I don't even know whether I want to do science, humanities, or application (law/policy). I just don't know. I try to surround myself with friends who are good people, but also people who are doing something I'm interested in - this way I can keep up on those areas and know that good things are happening in them, even if I can't do everything. I try to connect with other people's lives, not because it's going to get me jobs, but because I think that a lot of value is tied up in that sort of thing.

After writing up my research identity, my professor told me that I need to engage reality more - affect change rather than documenting it. That's intriguing because while I was brainstorming this whole last weekend about this sort of thing, I had the quote from Gandhi on being the change that you wish for the world written in the center of my notebook page. I just don't know what's going on. I know that wherever I end up these next few years, I will be quite well off - I'll find good people to work with and learn from. I'll spend my time on good things - I'll get a job in the end, hopefully one I like in a place I like, doing what I like, near people I like. I'll pay off my college loans so that I'm less bound and more free. Then I'll probably do something like put a down payment on a house to bind myself again - just because it makes economic sense.

I do feel like I'm finding what I want to find at the University of Minnesota right now, and I'm not sure what that means - I'm not sure if this would change as time goes on, whether the program will be cooperative with my goals - that sort of thing. But I'm liking the classes I'm in (and was in last fall) - I'm liking the people I know and the experiences I'm having. I think that a little bit more support not just for me, but for everyone would be better.

More than anything with this program, I'm scared of TechComm - I told my advisor that in my last email to him about the program - I don't want anything to do with TechComm - if the program was just Rhetoric, and people were studying TC or whatever, I'd be happy. I feel like out of the main people who are doing graduate stuff here, only a couple would I want to take classes with, and less than half would I be fine with taking classes with. And I haven't really taken any bad classes so far so it could be that they're coming, and I can't avoid them.

And the University of Minnesota is a good institution, with good professors, doing good work. I know people here. And I would be fine studying here. Three of the eight PhD programs I have applied to would involve me studying at the University of Minnesota - I obviously think well of it. I am applying to three philosophy programs, an english program, a rhetoric program, two environmental studies programs, and an ecology/biology program. I'm applying to the public research universities in Reno, Tucson, Eugene, Seattle, Madison, Minneapolis, and Brookings. I have preferences between institutions within disciplines, but I don't have overall preferences. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to decide between philosophy, rhetoric, environmental studies, and ecology. They're all so different, and the differences will dictate where I'm at for quite a while. If you have any guidance for this - if you can offer me any thoughts that might not have occurred to me, please do so. All of my applications have been sent, and I expect to start hearing from programs in a month or so.

If any of you know of any songs you like that are implicitly or explicitly related to the environment, you should let me know about them. I'm investigating a possible presentation on music lyrics and the environment for this summer's Association for the Study of Literature and the Environment conference. Two of my colleagues are looking at a movie (another element of popular culture), and I think that music lyrics are a good choice, especially given my interest in them.

This endeavor would be in addition to me pursuing and looking at the topic of Ecosystem Health (what I'm currently studying for my MA thesis).

At any rate, this song comes from my trip to England - I can't figure out much about this group, but the song is very good. I hope you can find it and can listen to it. I especially like (and I know others do also) "I need to know there's a little hope inside of you"


Need by Archive

You've got time, time on your hands
Bury your head in the sand
Take your time, hurry it up
Cause it sits there and just drift away

You've got worries more than enough
Course it's rough you soon know that it's tough
All that time, time on your hands
Cause it sits there and just drift away
I need to know
I've been sitting into a prayer pew
I need to know
There's a little hope inside of you
But that might
Might not be

Oh my baby please look me up
When you feel that you've had enough
You were mine I was yours
Sit to see and now drift away

I need to know
I've been sitting into a prayer pew
I need to know
There's a little hope inside of you and
I need to know
I've been sitting into a prayer pew
I need to know
There's a little hope inside of you
But there might, might not be