longtime sunshine

while i'm not a rock star on tour and getting lonely and feeling superficial (though i've wanted to be that at various points in my life), this song really does it for me - mostly the simplicity and the feeling - i can imaginatively identify with it, even if i haven't been there and done that. today has been a busy day, and i again haven't finished the reading/grading of my student's papers, and i feel behind in my readings for class (though i'm staying rather current). i'm sure my students don't mind too much, but i certainly don't want to get in the habit of late returns.

today involved lots of reading and thinking and discussing - got a few nice emails - i'm behind on emails and need to send some responses out to people who are graciously writing to me. i had an enjoyable class and feel relatively prepared for my classes i teach tomorrow. i talked to a good friend online, which was nice.

what's important to me right now? i haven't quite figured that out. a bunch of my good friends aren't near me - i'm making a couple new good friends. i'm trying to preserve old friendships in some way, not necessarily how i have been. i'm liking life, teaching, classes, learning, that sort of thing. i really can't complain about bad things, just about the complexity of living really. my life has a lot going on, and sometimes it is hard to process or figure out. i can't claim or hope to figure things out once and for all, but i'm hoping to keep making my way through things. i guess a few divergent life plans may exist.

the first is probably the most dominant in my mind - getting a phd in the humanities (environmentally focused), then getting a job as a professor somewhere i love and enjoy and teaching and researching things i am interested in and want others to be interested in. job security in the humanities isn't great, especially job security for those who aren't the very top of whatever thing they are doing. in simple terms, a philosophy phd from a place that isn't ranked in the top 10 places may not get a job one wants, though one will probably be able to find work. i'm interested in environmental philosophy, and none of the ranked programs really focus on that sort of thing. at any rate, that might be a harsh reading of the state of affairs, but it sounds somewhat plausible.

the second is to get a phd in ecology - this would pay more and have more jobs, and if i did this at a respected university, i could get most jobs i wanted - that would be nice - except then i'd be worried about annoying things all the time like writing grants and stuff. i would also rather teach humanities type courses than teach intro biology courses. teaching environmental studies is probably my biggest goal i guess, along with some philosophy or rhetoric, english or ecology all fitting in somehow. i'm not sure how this would all go over with places i might want to work.

then there is the fact that geography is highly determinate of where i want to go in life right now - i'll probably go to a coast, but seattle, eugene, durham, and other places are all pretty good in my opinion. so if i can't eliminate choices based on places i don't want to go (like probably nyc, los angeles, and texas right now), and i can't eliminate certain disciplines or life choices based on overwhelming preference, and i can't predict how the state of academia will change over the next few years, i'm left with a bunch of good options, each of which would have good things and bad things. it's a real choice, and it's complex, but it doesn't help too much.

right now i would also really like to just take a lot of time and write about the thoughts i've been having lately. sometimes writers might get writer's block because they haven't had experiences or thoughts that seem important to write down or explore. that's not currently my problem - my problem is that i have a lot of ideas that i would like to explore and see what happens, but i don't have the time to write them down in as much detail or with as much attention as i might like. some of this writing is somewhat analytic or philosophical argumentation i suppose, but there are some ideas in fiction i am considering, and i just don't know how much time i can afford to put into these things when i have graduate school to do. if i weren't in graduate school, then i'd have to worry about bills (at least college loans). so we'll see what happens, but i am hoping to take next summer to work on some of this stuff. but the third option i guess is to be a part time writer and see where all this goes. and i know that academics read and write a lot in their disciplines, but that is more of a publish or perish sort of thing rather than feel free to come up with interesting ideas or ways of looking at the world.

so maybe in the end, i'd just like to pack everything up and live some other kind of normal life whatever that might be. for now though, go listen to this song by weezer, the title of this post. have a great night. all my best,



sometimes i wanna pack it all up, get on a bus and move to vermont
or maine, or any of those states back east that i remember
sometimes i wanna go back to school to an east coast college with some history
i'd be satisfied, i know, in the simple things

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me

sometimes i wanna build a house with a woodstove or a fireplace
in the middle of the living room an old piano
sometimes it don't seem so bad to settle down with a good woman
leave this lonely life behind forever and ever

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me
longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me

sometimes i wanna get in a car, close my eyes and drive real fast
keep on going 'til i get some place where i can truly rest

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me
longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me