looking back to our birth, forward to our demise

Simple outline of activities I have done in the last couple days include going to look for camping stuff at rei, exploring ecology (graduate programs and research studies/methods/topics in order to be able to intelligently write a brainstormed list of potential research projects), watching soccer games, watching movies, grading papers, and reading for my classes. Suffice it to say, I have not done as much as I might like. But I had great conversation(s) with Anna, hung out with friends, relaxed, and enjoyed life, and that's usually a pretty good thing. I feel like my body needs a break from something, but I think what it really needs is a lot more activity to wear it out more.

The most important thing I think and feel right now relates to geography. There is a lot to be said, and I will say little, but I think about place and where I am and where I want to be - quite a bit really. When I ask my students to write about their lives, I ask them to consider the important or life-determining aspects of it, and I mention that they can consider important people, places, experiences, thoughts, or whatever. It's usually rather easy to think about or consider people who have made a big influence on one's life (starting with parents, siblings, family and friends, followed by partners, friends, and children, followed perhaps by later generations). There are teachers, coaches, strangers (who are rarely mentioned when people think about important parts of their lives), and pets (interesting for those interested in non-humans). Experiences are also easy - there are certain experiences that jump out in one's life when one reflects on those matters of import. One thing that also jumps out are the places where these things take place - experiences of people, activities, or absences.

Right now in my life, I'm within decently close proximity to some people I care about and with whom I have shared experiences. But many more of the most important people in my life are far away. Many of my relations from Brookings and from Saint Olaf are far away from me, doing amazing and cool things, but faraway nonetheless. Others are far away only emotionally or because of busy lives. I could create a list of people who are faraway from me - perhaps I'll do that for my own benefit, but it seems unnecessary. If you know me, you know at least a few people who aren't within my reach. And that's fine, but it's strange. Moreover the places that I have grown to care about most in my life aren't near me. I am far from Brookings, the Two Rivers, Rochford, Northfield. Some of those places are different from how I remember them; others are similar. Only one is rejecting the process of growth (the Two Rivers) - Brookings is getting a SuperWalMart (something I hate), Rochford has neighbors more interested in cutting down trees and putting up buildings than remembering exactly what made the people like the area in the first place, Northfield continues to grow with the sprawl of the cities.

I guess this is the nature of humans. Aldo Leopold has written about how humans tend to destroy things we like (much like the big hairy guy in loony tunes that wanted to hold, pet, and name george every creature that crossed his path). I don't like cities, but I am going to have to live in cities for at least another 4 years for graduate school. I like open areas with few lights, no smog, the smell of decomposing leaves, the feeling of outdoors. Most people seem to, no matter what other things bring them together. People lament the growth of populations around places they appreciate. I don't have answers, at least not any easy answers that don't involve something damaging. Things usually end up being hard to stomach in some way or another. Things will likely become more important as time goes on. I'm not certain how population growth will change, but it seems to be going higher than I like. And I maintain that whatever the carrying capacity of the Earth is, it is much lower when one considers the other organisms on Earth and not just humans and the machines we value so highly. It seems to me that while non-human animal populations continue to decrease, non-human machine populations are ever-increasing. And that frightens me.

So when I say all this, am I just looking forward to our demise, looking back to our birth? Am I lamenting the past and expounding prophecy of doom in the future? It's possible, but any time one frames my thoughts in that way, one is missing the point, that it's unimportant if my rhetoric is apocalyptic or romantic. What seems to be important is that I have to change. We have to change. I have to work in all I do to help the non-human self-determined aspects of reality and try my best to hinder the non-human human controlled or manipulated aspects of reality. That's the game I play, the story I tell, what I value, and how I relate my worldview to the world. I'll find new narratives as I move through time, but right now I think this one is of utmost importance. It's important because I want to live in a world where there is mystery, where there are things outside of human control and prediction and understanding. It's important because life is amazing, uncertain, and special only because of its uncertainty. It's special because of its complexity and unintelligibility. We'll see how things go.

Look into Live's Stood Up For Love when you're looking for music. It took me a while to get used to the instrumentation of the verses - they just seemed to be interesting, but not pretty, but each time I hear the chorus, it all makes sense - going from something so off to something so beautiful - I love the chorus you see. It's a wonderful song with great lyrics and a great idea. And it fits somehow.


naked lovers feel the blood beneath their veins
electric nerves communicate
with tiny explosions through our brains
who is this energy that never left or came?
give rise to passion the only glory
of this human story

I give my heart and soul to the one

we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
looking back to our birth, forward to our demise
even scientists say, everything is just light
not created, destroyed but eternally bright
masters in everytime lord in everyplace
those who stood up for love down in spite of the hate
in spite of the hate

who put the flower in the barrel of that gun?
who lit the candle that started the fire,
burnt down the fortress, the throne?
who could house all the refugees in a single shack
or a lowly bungalow?
who lives in a different dimension, free from the
struggles we know?

I give my heart and soul to the one

we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
looking back to our birth, forward to our demise
even scientists say, everything is just light
not created, destroyed but eternally bright
masters in everytime lord in everyplace
those who stood up for love down in spite of the hate
we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
they live in the light

we made it to the moon
but we can't make it home
waitin' on a rescue that never comes
made it to the moon
but we can't make it home
maybe home is where the heart is given up
to the one
to the one

we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
lookin' back to our birth, forward to our demise
we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
they live, they

they stood up for love
stood up for love
stood up for love
they stood up for love
stood up for love
stood up for love

we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
masters in everytime
we spend all of our lives goin' out of our minds
stood up for love