think, wait, fast

tonight i went to see a few friends play music, and it was quite good - if you want a little taste of what i'm talking about, check out thegladversion.com - you will be able to listen to a few songs online and explore them in greater detail if you wish. i'm the kind of person who doesn't really like music atmospheres filled with smoke, and the venue wasn't bad, but i still took a shower after getting home - that might sound obsessive, but when you combine my dislike for smoke with my love of water (showers especially), it's not too farfetched. at any rate, i feel quite good right now.

i was reading my favorite book again a few days ago - i didn't read it straight through (though i have done that quite a few times), and i wanted to highlight a few important ideas from it. siddhartha was written by hermann hesse in 1922. it's an amazing story - i would recommend it to anyone and make a point of buying a copy for anyone i know who has not read the book. at used book stores, you can always get a copy for $2 or so. and just as a side note, i find it quite strange how many book reviews and summaries seem to construe siddhartha's story as the story of the buddha. yes, there are some remarkable similarities, and both reached enlightenment, but anyone who has read the story knows that siddhartha was not the buddha except in a different sense of the meaning of is - they interacted with each other, but the historical buddha was another character in siddhartha, not the title character. this is of minor consequence, but i've always been slightly bothered by this. at any rate, most of my favorite short stories are also by hermann hesse - you can find that collection as hermann hesse's fairy tales - i recommend it highly also.

all of this points to a realization i've had recently. the book all i ever needed to know i learned in kindergarten by robert fulghum is a clever book, and it highlights the ethical importance of sharing. i tend to agree that sharing (or altruism, as it's often referred to) is an important part of ethics. more important though and quite critical, i think that sharing experiences is foundationally important in one's life. relationships are where good things come, stories tell about those good things, and sharing the good things is where a lot of meaning in relationships comes. sharing one's life, one's interests, one's thoughts, and all the other potentially share-able things are the basis for good lives. i'm glad that i have good relationships and connections to people who help me become aware of cool things to experience - music, movies, books, and other things that are just as important but get harder to easily name. that makes my life good. i think siddhartha knew this, or perhaps hermann hesse knew this, which meant siddhartha knew this - at any rate, knowing these sorts of things has always helped me understand my life better. i'm going to pull out a few important exchanges from the story that have helped me understand my life - i hope you enjoy them.

about a third of the way through the story:
siddhartha is saying, "so siddhartha will come again when he has what he is lacking in--clothes, shoes, money. but tell me, fair kamala. , , where can i go to obtain these three things as quickly as possible?"

"my friend, many people want to know that. you must do what you have learned and obtain money, clothes, and shoes for it. a poor man cannot obtain money otherwise."

"i can think, i can wait, i can fast."

those three abilities are something that i have wanted to develop. i found those to be very powerful the first time i read this story in high school, and i still do. i think that i have gotten better at thinking, and i've gotten better at waiting, that is, being patient. i'm continuing to work at fasting, but that is one that i often think i might be better off not getting good at - i already don't have the best eating habits (in terms of eating multiple times each day and eating breakfast, etc.). but the waiting one is especially powerful for me. here is how siddhartha describes these abilities soon after:

siddhartha said: "yesterday i told you i knew how to think, to wait, and to fast, but you did not consider these useful. but you will see that they are very useful, kamala. you will see that the stupid samanas in the forest learn and know many useful things."

though i would love to highlight a number of more ideas from the book, i'll skip two of the most important ones: how to work (at one's job) and listening to the river - the activity that was most important for siddhartha to learn. i'll talk about them sometime soon. but here is one very important exchange near the end of the book (this also illustrates how siddhartha is not the buddha):

"it seems to me, govinda, that love is the most important thing in the world. it may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. but i think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration and respect."

"i understand that," said govinda, "but that is just what the illustrious one called illusion. he preached benevolence, forbearance, sympathy, patience--but not love. he forbade us to bind ourselves to earthly love."

"i know that," said siddhartha smiling radiantly, "i know that, govinda, and here we find ourselves within the maze of meanings, within the conflict of words, for i will not deny that my words about love are in apparent contradiction to the teachings of gotama. that is just why i distrust words so much, for i know that this contradiction is an illusion. i know that i am at one with gotama. how, indeed, could he not know love, he who has recognized all humanity's vanity and transitoriness, yet loves humanity so much that he has devoted a long life solely to help and teach people? also with this great teacher, the thing to me is of greater importance that the words; his deeds and life are more important to me than his talk, the gesture of his hand is more important to me than his opinions. not in speech or thought do i regard him as a great man, but in his deeds and life."


i can't believe how amazing siddhartha was - how amazingly insightful hermann hesse's writing was here - i've read all his books (to my knowledge), even the ones that i didn't find that great. and i think that siddhartha is the best - in terms of the story, the context, the perfection of simplicity in the story, that sort of thing. it's amazing. i hope you read it if you haven't and reread it if you have. it will be well worth it, much like watching the princess bride or amelie yet another time, or listening to your favorite song again.

i think that the lyrics for this song speak for themselves, and certainly when the melancholy beauty of the instrumentation/voice comes in, you'll feel good. i will say that i couldn't listen to this when i was feeling really happy and optimistic - it is again one of those songs that should be listened to at night when you're feeling real, but not exactly happy. it is beautiful. and now i find myself wishing for sleep so i'll go for that, and this night, i don't think that i'll wake up early with the starlings, however telling that might be.

Morning Watch by Dolorean

I found myself again on the morning watch for those of us who cannot sleep
just because of the things we've done we wake up early with the starlings
and as night sins fade away and bee stings lose their swell
so begins my day, and so ends my hell.

And as night falls I prepare my bed
and curse the pillow's stony lies
for just as sure as my body begs for rest
I'll be up before the sunrise.