you'll just do it all again

recently, i brought home a copy of book titled music, the brain, and ecstasy by robert jourdain. my friends and i had been discussing the effects of music on people, particularly those with degenerative diseases (neurological mostly), and i thought this was a very readable and interesting introduction to just such a topic. during my first year at saint olaf, i read and reviewed the book in the math department's newsletter (my wonderful advisor there was trying to encourage me to pursue my very eclectic and strong interests in some interesting and productive way). the book is similar in style to other science journalism where someone learns the current state of the science and tries to tell engaging stories about the topic.

to put it simply, i loved the book and tried hard to get other people to read it. by combining my two biggest interests at that point in my life--music and neuroscience--i considered it perfect. i almost designed my own major on music and the brain; i even wrote up a proposal and found two co-advisors for the major. that year for christmas, i asked my parents for, and received two other books on the topic: the pyschology of music (an academic anthology with a variety of articles on the topic) and the sounds of healing (a more applied book on music therapy). it was all to come to naught, though i've remained terribly interested in the topic. like many other topics with which i've become quite fascinated in my life, music and the brain has fallen by the wayside, but like many wayside wonders on america's highways, i know where it is when i want it again.

the really strange thing is how many of these sorts of topics there are in my past, ideas and pursuits that i have been so incredibly interested in for a while, but that i just don't have enough time or energy to pursue. from a love of rocks and geology when i was 4-10 years old (and still remembering enough when i was in college to do student work identifying rocks), to a desire to play in a band (again, something i did for a large part of my life), from a desire late in high school to get an md/phd in neurological reconstructive surgery (wishing to help people regain sight or recover from paralysis), to a desire to be a college level soccer coach as recently as a couple years ago--all these desires are still strong in me, but every day and year i move further from them as realistic pursuits in my life. and that's somewhat disconcerting, maybe even unfortunate i guess.

but it also means i am choosing something i enjoy very much--i'm not just studying environmental issues and teaching courses on nature and science and technology because that's all i've ever wanted to do. i'm studying environmental issues because i think they're just that important. i think that getting my students to think more about the environment as an important political and social issue may be a key to the preservation of an undiminished world. and i think that realizing the role of ideas, words, discussion, and experience is an important goal for a course in a university setting. understanding the many and complex relationships with the natural world is important, and understanding the how--how human lives, choices, and policies have great impacts on the nonhuman environment--understanding those kinds of how questions may be one thing i can give the students i interact with. it may not be as big or as obvious of an impact as i could have as a lawyer or policymaker or activist, but i think i can have an impact. that's my hope.

on friday, i had a very enjoyable evening, going out to eat with two of my officemates, discussing our department and our future plans, and drinking some good wine. then, yesterday morning i woke up early, graded 10 papers, then drove down to northfield for an ultimate frisbee tournament, played on a team with a former housemate, had a great time getting to know new people, played well in 25-30mph wind (we went 4-0 yesterday), ate a great sandwish at hogan brothers, took a walk around the st. olaf campus (it's beautiful in fall), came home and graded another 10 papers before going to bed. and i liked it. grading is one of my least favorite parts of teaching, but breaking it up with 8 hours of fun physical activities makes grading on a weekend so much easier. now i just need to do something similar today (only one game, up in the cities, but just as many papers to grade).

in the song below, i love the musical choices--they're upbeat, but like most of her songs, the choices are tasteful, pretty, and fun. i really like when she says that she is trying "to find some worms to aid in the decay"--it reminds me of an important environmental issue in the northwoods of minnesota where earthworms are decomposing leaf litter and changing the ecosystem in strange new ways (since there hadn't been earthworms in the forests of minnesota for the last 10,000 or more years, until just recently. at any rate, more often a musician discussing decomposition will be trent reznor discussing the topic in a much less uplifting way.

i also like her reference to november rain, a song that was one of my favorites in 8th grade (i learned to play the piano and guitar parts and would sometimes just start playing them while my band was practicing). finally, i really like how it works according to regina--you love until you don't, you try until you can't, and take the things you like and love them, and help others to love them also. and perhaps most importantly, you hope the love you have doesn't get harmed, but if it does, you try again.

on the radio by regina spektor

This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd
While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep

And all the styrofoam
Began to melt away
We tried to find some worms
To aid in the decay
But none of them were home
Inside their catacomb
A million ancient bees
Began to sting our knees
While we were on our knees
Praying that disease
Would leave the ones we love
And never come again

On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You'll hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep
On the radio