and i'm just tired of running around

i didn't learn to ride a bike as early as most kids. this didn't have much to do with being uncoordinated or lacking intelligence or even with a lack of exposure. my parents tried numerous times, but i didn't get it until i was almost seven (my brothers were all quicker than me at this, by at least a year). part of it had something to do with my fear of failure i suppose, but mostly it was just not important to me. i was the kind of kid who preferred running.

i grew up trying to stay with my older brothers and their friends, running to keep up. and i became fast for a little kid--it was also the only time in my life that i could run long distances as well as i could run short distances. the older kids would bike around the block, and i would run. we'd go over to the neighbors' house since they had a cool swing set, or more often to one of the houses being built on our block--when just the foundation or the framing was done, these were the best play areas for young explorers. i grew up on the prairies of south dakota, and on my block, there weren't forests to explore nor trees to climb as there had been in central minnesota where i spent the first years of my life.

and i ran. i ran everywhere, mostly barefoot, from morning to night. my older brother and i would try to make our feet as tough as we could, tough enough that we could kill thistles by stomping on them, tough enough to stand the rough rocky surfaces of hot asphalt. running was my only form of transportation--it was reality.

i do remember two particular runs--races, actually--as being important--i was young in both cases, and i'm sure that neither race was very real, but they felt real to me back then. both were when i was around five years old (maybe six). the first was at my grandparents' farm when i raced my uncle bud--we both ran barefoot the length of my grandparents' rural driveway--it was different because though i often walked barefoot on gravel, only rarely did i run very long distances on it. this particular time he let me win, but i think that everyone was a little surprised that i would run around 200-300 yards (over 100 each way), barefoot on gravel.

the other time was similar: we were back visiting my birth place and godparents in minnesota, and some other family friends were also there, so not only did we play a few games of monopoly and basketball, we also had a big race, out their driveway, down the road quite a ways, and back. someone had even made up prizes (paper medals if i remember correctly) for the winners. most of the kids were riding bikes, but my older godbrother and i ran it (this time i feel like i wore shoes, but i don't remember for sure). of course the people on bikes beat us back, and of course he, being the kind and caring godbrother he was, didn't outpace me by much, but my family was surprised that i was able to run that far at a decent pace.

like many things, i soon caught up with the rest of the world (the kids my age, that is) and learned to bike--it's amazing what social pressures do to kids. i also remember the hardware store where i bought my first bike--actually my parents bought it for me for christmas one year--it was camoflauge and had two speeds and hand brakes (which meant i could coast and pedal backwards when i wanted), and i road it everywhere. before that i had a hand-me-down yellow and blue dirt bike where pedaling backwards meant braking. early on in riding that first bike, i wasn't very good at braking, and more than once i would just find a wall to run into when i needed to stop (i am not kidding here--i did it on purpose). so at any rate, like a lot of kids, i just got tired of running around. i sometimes wonder what my life would be like if i had kept running everywhere.

back to the present: i guess no one would expect anything different, but my life here continues to be busy. i am teaching three courses (officially 2.5 as i am team teaching one with a colleague--thanks for asking, clancy--hope things are well). i think i misspoke last time and said that i'm taking three courses--i'm not--just two, but that's more than enough.

i spent three nights last week grading until 2am, and each time woke up before 9am to start working again. probably one of the nicest bits of news is that i should only have one course this spring (along with teaching environmental history at saint olaf), which means i'll be taking exams in may--then i only have to write my dissertation, and i'll have a phd. that is, if i make it that far--i came home this afternoon and was feeling dizzy and ill--and i think it was just from being worn out and not realizing it. i went to bed for six hours or so, got up to write this, and i'll probably head back to bed soon. the take home lesson: i need to learn to take better care of myself. i have spent so much of my life trying to prove that i could do anything, that i could push my body and mind to the limits, and somewhere in there i forgot that this approach isn't always healthy. now, i should clarify one thing--i'm quite good at enjoying my day, taking time out for recreation and fun and community and smelling roses, spending time with friends and my housemates. but i still force myself to get everything else done--the productive stuff--and i think this often means i wear myself out without realizing it. we'll see if i can use this semester to get better at taking care.

the new house is great--i like it a lot. come and visit.

since it's the end of september, i figured that i would post my september 2006 playlist--it's not perfect, but it's a decent indicator of the songs i've been listening to recently. it's somewhat diverse, but still quite "me" and the style i've had in the last while. i thank my brother for exposing me to many of these songs.

pull shapes by the pipettes
white mischief by penguin cafe orchestra
god's gonna cut you down by johnny cash
just to see my holly home by bonnie prince billy
hey ya by outkast
since i left you by the avalanches
gone till november by wyclef jean
lover's spit by broken social scene
wild strawberries by john vanderslice
le soleil est pres de moi by air
your kisses are wasted on me by the pipettes
like a call by architecture in helsinki
cars and telephones (arcade fire cover) by becca riedell
lullaby for a girl by johan johnson
both hands by ani difranco
wonderwall (oasis cover) by cat power
if you could read my mind by johnny cash
oh my sweet carolina by ryan adams

the song i'll highlight today is great. writing about this song inspires a number of memories, a number of stories. since i've already told one (about running around), i'll leave the stories about cars and telephones for another time. here's my simple analysis: the instrumentation is all right, the melody and harmony are slightly better, and the lyrics are damn good. listen to this song.

Cars and Telephones
The Arcade Fire (or, as covered by Becca)

I read the pages about me
In her autobiography
They were brief and to the point
Our flesh while you are getting dressed
Memory that needs to be repressed
I'll just wait until it's over

Since you've gone away
I never know just what to say
Since you've gone away
I never know just what to say

Cause I like cars more than telephones
Your voice in my ear makes me feel so alone
Tonight I'm gonna drive
The silver moon is shining bright
Over the interstate
God saying hurry don't be late
Soon the sun will rise
That's when the romance dies
And I'm just tired of running around

I walked
To get the mail today
I guess
Your letter never came
I'll just
Check again tomorrow

Our flesh while you are getting dressed
Memory that needs to be repressed
I'll just wait without saying a word

Since you've gone away
I never know just what to say
Since you've gone away
I never know just what to say

Cause I like cars more than telephones
Your voice in my head makes me feel so alone
Tonight I'm gonna drive
The silver moon is shining bright
Over the interstate
God saying hurry don't be late
Soon the sun will rise
That's when the romance dies
And I'm just tired of running around

But fuck it I love you no less
I'm gonna feel like shit
By the time I get to you
Now the sky is turning blue
The stars they disappear
One by one with daylight dear
And yes you're in my head
But that doesn't make you here
And I've lost all my friends
But you're the one I miss the most
And now I'm almost there
Yeah I'm almost to the coast
And if I had any notion
Of how to drive my car across the Atlantic Ocean
I'd be fucking set